Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Encore: Pigs. 86 the Blanket

As the weather has taken a turn to the cool side, the comments have started to roll in. In a shameless attempt to avert the flood of concern on my behalf, I'm re-visiting portions of a previous post. Some of you have read it, some haven't. Either way, consider yourself informed.

Don't expect to see me walking around in "shoes" in the wintertime.

I wear three types of shoes: Sandals (any variation), Boots (to make me look tall), and Sneakers (for running).Sometimes in the winter, I simply do not want to wear my boots (because I most likely have no socks folded and I don't feel like digging through the clean sock basket). I simply cannot wear my sneakers with black slacks or a dress; therefore, I might gallivant about in flip flops.FYI, this does NOT concern me. Even though it may be 12 degrees outside, and my arms are cold, I can assure you that my feet are NOT COLD.


I am stupefied at the number of people who are concerned for the welfare of my feet. I can understand their need to satisfy their curiosity, but perhaps a more poignant question than "Aren't your feet cold?" could be concocted.


Isn't the real question: "Are you an idiot? It's 12 degrees outside!" To which I could reply: "REALLY???? I did NOT notice. So THAAAATTTTSSS why my feet are cold! I have been getting frost- bite, and I couldn't figure out WHY! THANK YOU SOO SOOOO much for pointing that out to me. NOW I know that someone really cares about me."


I'm astounded by the number of people-friends and strangers- who enjoy pointing this out to me. A few months ago, at the GAS STATION, a man pointed out to me my lack of appropriate footwear. For some reason, I responded: "Yes, I realize that, but I'm just so HOT all of the time." I didn't realize that was opening a door for him to respond with a "pick-up line." I won't tell you exactly what he said, but my daughter was in the car and we laughed for about an hour after that.


Point is, I got SMOKIN HOT feet, O.K.? My little piggies DON't Need NO Blanket. They're Extra Spicy Cajun Jalepeno with a side of Tobasco. And hey, I might wear a coat, I might not. I try to keep life simple and coats are just another thing to remember. Not wearing a coat is a small price to pay for not forgetting the coat that you don't own.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I. Have. A. TEENAGER....Today!

13 reasons I'm excited:

13.- Maybe he'll start to like girls and 86 the stinky boy thing.
12.- He's big enough to give me a big bear hug (even though he doesn't like to).
11.- We haven't had any Jerry Springer moments together yet. Could there be one in our future?
10.- Clearasil, Clearasil, Clearasil.
9.- Three years until there's another driver.
8.- Can you say good looking? He might be a heart-throb... I don't know.
7.- Then again, there's the Napoleon Dynamite tendencies.
6.- We're actually discussing colleges.
5.- He's becoming the family expert on scripture. YIKES.
4.- Two years until he has Mrs. Fisherstine as a teacher.
3.-He may be a teenager, but I can still call him my Snuggy-Buggy-Mr. Mannie-Poo. He loves that.
2.- Guess what? He's in charge of the lawn.
1.- He will handle the role of FIRST teenager in the home with flying colors.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Myrmidons BEWARE!!

As a young bride, I had a propensity to burn the stew. Mr. Clyde was so kind, often commenting that my creative concoctions tasted like I had simply added liquid smoke to the recipe.

There is a time for liquid smoke. It goes well in a roast. Combined with garlic powder, Tabasco sauce, and cheese, it is arguably the most critical ingredient in my favorite grits recipe.

It has been a rare event, indeed during the last decade of my life to have "inadvertent" smoke flavor inserted into my culinary inventions. In fact, since I added "Caterer" to my resume, I can't recall a single time that I have cooked with "Mr. Clyde's Favorite Liquid Smoke."

Until this week. TWICE (One, Two...), TWICE I have burned my stew. This is a head-scratcher indeed. Both times, I've walked away from the stove, underestimating the time frame of my household errand. Alas, my past is coming back to haunt me!!! I thunked I wuz gettin smart-dur, but maybe I'z gettin not smart-der.

I dunno. Maybe it's the four children with homework, relational, and hygiene needs. Maybe it's the full-time job, hubbie, and marathon "madness" (as my niece Jaime calls it). Perhaps my brain cells are at maximum capacity, and there is a civil war between the "original" inhabitants of my mind, and the "newcomers." There just isn't enough man-power to go around. Call me crazy, but I'm quite confident there is a battle that would make the Myrmidons squeamish.

And there is smoke to prove it.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Grammar Boot Camp

It's the week I've been waiting for. (Please ignore the dangling preposition...this is the blogosphere...O. KAY?????)

It's the week that I get to yell at my students and everyone knows it's all in "good fun." I've set strict rules. "Don't speak unless I speak to you." "You are only allowed to bring ONE pencil to class." "No back-packs, purses, or Bibles allowed." (You heard me.)

I've threatened push-ups, running, and general pain. All in "good fun."

They don't know it yet, but next they will be tortured with the "Perfect Paper Project." Anything with that much alliteration is sure to be a success.

One of my mommies (you know who you are out there) even asked for her own homework (for fun). I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!

I aint gots a reason two B teachin this stuff, I just likes it. When Grammduh be taught good, there ain't nothin them kids caint set there sites too. Shucks, the main reason I be doin it is so's I can dress up.

(and I keep finding grammatical errors in the post....ironic...)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Cry, Praise, and Laugh

I am now, as always, amazed by cousin Jason's insight. I have copied his last post to my blog (Jason, I hope you don't mind...). I can't share this with any more eloquence. Friend, both cyber and flesh-n-blood, please add Jason's family to your prayer list.


His post is as follows:

Jr. High Swimming Pool Locker Room


Today was not the worst day of my life.Today doctors told my wife and I that we need to start a 3 year regiment of Chemo treatments for my 3 year old son because he has Leukemia. (Kudos to the doctors for being masters at delivering bad news. I bet my mechanic must have skipped that class.)

My spell checker tells me that this disease is foreign to me. And while I've heard of it, I don't really know what it means.

As a younger man, I once imagined what it would be like to get some really bad news like this. It feels so weird now that it is happening....like I’m supposed to be more dazed than I am.

I always thought something bad like Leukemia would be the worst day of my life. Actually, the worst day of my life was when I had to change in front of my peers for Jr. high swim lessons in my pre-pubescent existence. I'm still whirling from that one.

I cried some today. I did fine at the grocery store and at the service station that fixed my flat. I was strong for my daughters in explaining the more naive version of Von's sickness to them. In my sadness for what Von and Lisa will be going through, I came to realize that God is ok with us crying.

As my friend Rick Suarez told me today, King David, the man after God's own heart, did two things in the Psalms. He praised God and he cried out to God. That makes me feel good. Big warrior David not only did the right thing and praised God, but he also did the human thing and cried out to Him.

In the next few days, I'm going to cry a little, praise a little, and be sure to laugh a little. Von and Lisa wouldn't want it any other way.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Do You Want the Truth?

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!"
(the truth is...maybe it's I who can't handle the truth)

It was 85 degrees today.

Not ONE of the eight people that I ran with met their goals. In fact, most of us came in 30mins-1.5 hours behind our projected time.

Running 26.2 on a sunny 85 degree day is...well...NOT a good thing.

A week ago today, I was still hurting (psycho-pain) with an injury from a month ago. Taking 2 weeks off running didn't help. So I went to the doc on Mon, and ran the race on Sat...after taking a total of 3 weeks off of running.

So, even though I ran SLOWER than my first marathon (significantly), I finished.

The TRUTH is, covering that much ground is ...well...hard on a good day. Today was NOT a good day. I didn't have ONE easy mile, but the miles did pass.

And Mr. Clyde is exuberant with joy regarding his finish. He deserves to be. It was a good day.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Chicag...OH!!!

A person should really be asleep at 10:45pm on the night before a marathon. It's a good thing I slept well last night. Those two Advil PMs didn't hurt. But I couldn't feel my tongue until noon today.

So I chose to forego the sleep-aids.

And I blog instead.
I'm the epitome of...WisDumb today.

I like 4:00am, I LIKE 4:00am, I like 4:00am.
When I ran the Kansas City marathon, someone dressed like the devil ran behind me. Nothin' makes a person run like being chased by the devil.

I wonder what my motivation will be tomorrow?

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Oh Yes...He DID!!!!

Not to beat a dead horse, but...

We are now within FIVE pounds of one another.

AND he is taller than me. As of today.

He's so much easier to hug. I can lay my head on HIS shoulder now.

I'm liking this.

Monday, October 6, 2008

I Hired A Maid...

She has eight legs and eight arms. She knows where everything belongs in my house. The maid has a personal interest in having my home tidy. She even does her own laundry. I love working along side of her.

And all I have to pay her is a few pieces of pizza.

She really doesn't have to work that hard, because she sends her arms and legs in so many different directions, that each part carries a teeny bit of the load.

She does such a GREAT job. And when she grows up and has a family of her own, she won't be a house-cleaning doofus. No. She will have experience for her domestic resume. Even the testosterone-driven side of her.

P.S. I can't figure out why doofus isn't in the blogger dictionary.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Delight in Tears....

Am I the only one who cried during "Enchanted?" Perhaps I should purchase some Happy Pills? Actually, Lil Mr Man and I both started taking Fish Oil this week. His is to help with brain development and concentration (aka he is a SPAZ). My pill is to keep me from kicking someone.

I knew it was bad this week when my husband asked me if he could rub my feet (ouchie running feet), and I was like... "whatever." The next morning, he made my favorite breakfast (chocolate chip pancakes and bacon), and then FED ME while I was getting ready for school (because I couldn't be bothered to sit down). I gave him a half-hearted thanks.

(I know I know...you all had me on some sort of a pedestal and now you see the real me [ha ha "right, sweetness...keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night"] Okay, I will tell myself that because I'm not sleeping right now)

Since you stole my pedestal, I'll get out my soapbox.

I'm standing on the soapbox now.

I'm opening my mouth.... Here comes the big thought.

Nope. I got nothing.

Except this: Henry V made me cry. Little Women made me cry. Lots of tears over great stories. A student cried this week when Boxer was sent to the glue factory in Animal Farm.

And that made me giggle with delight. Because she cried.

FEEL!!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

It's All a Blur

I've painted a mural or two in my day. Murals require very little attention to detail. I don't feel restricted or constrained by a mural. Painting on a small canvas means itty-bitty precision. I'm no good at that.

Tom Garfield says that "Women use their intelligence to justify their intuition." I certainly believe that statement to have a measure of truth. When painting on a large canvas, what seems blurry to those up close is crystal clear from a distance.

And right now, I'm so very close to the canvas.